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14-01-04, 11:44 AM
Pushbutton
What does tony think he's doing. If he really wants to increase his popularity all he has to do is get the following legislation through parliament as quickly as possible.
The Make Tony Blair Popular Again Act 2004
Section 1.1
Prior to any new building or refurbishment project is granted planning permission, the plans must first be approved by Lady Sheila Butlin and must meet the following criteria
a) Ceilings must be constructed of cloth
b) Any theatre or similar entertainment premises being constructed must have 2 knights on horseback, one placed at either side of the stage front.
c) It shall be a condition of the license to operate any entertainment premises such as a theatre, cinema, pub, club or similar place that it shall be fitted with illuminated signage reading "baby crying in chalet" which must be clearly visable to all patrons and such signs must be regularly used in conjunction with patrols of the local neighbourhood by staff to check for any crying babies.
Section 1.2
By the end of 2005 all major cities must construct an extensive monorail system which shall operate as a public transport service and it shall be an offence for any council or other body to charge a fee for passengers on monorails.
Section 1.3
Every council shall install a public address system throughout their region which must be clearly audible to all residents of the city. At precisely 7.30am each morning a council employee shall make a public announcement using this system using the words "wakey wakey campers", followed by the wakey wakey song.
Section 1.4
It shall be the responsibility of all councils to provide sufficient means for their residents to properly dispose of waste. This shall be achieved by placing waste containers in the form of model pigs, with a suction device attached to each container, at strategic points in all public areas. These units are to be clearly marked with the words "Porky the paper eater".
Is there anyone out there with some basic legal knowledge who can help me continue to draft this vital peice of new legislation please? Any ammendments or additions will be carefully considered by parliament in due course, and then implemented anyway!
15-01-04, 12:38 AM
Tannoy
Breaking News.........
A recent report from Butlinland heaven indicated Porky the Paper Eater was about to launch a major election campaign in support of Pushbutton's bid to be the next Prime Minister. However when pressed to comment on this, Porky would only offer a grunt followed by oink oink, despite being fed all 327 sheets of the document he was working on entitled "Technical Advances in Paper Eating Suction Devices for Pig Shaped Paper Waste Disposal Units", and an empty Mars Bar wrapper.
'Pushbutton for the next PM'
15-01-04, 09:54 AM
Pushbutton
The Make Tony Blair Popular Again Act 2004 (continued)
Section 2.1
All public areas such as streets, parks, shopping centres, entertainment venues and other like places are to be patrolled at all times by council employees who are suitably trained in customer service skills, acting, dancing, singing or other form of performing art. All such employees must be licensed to carry out their duties and the licensing body is Butlins / Bourne Leisure Pty Ltd. These personnel are hereafter called "Redcoats", and shall wear a uniform approved by Butlins / Bourne Leisure at all times when on duty.
Section 2.2
It shall be an offence, upon being greeted by another with the term "Hi-de-hi", for any person not to immediately respond with the term "Ho-de-ho". Such an offence shall result in authorised Butlins security personnel taking the offender for a long ride in a blue transit van, during which time the said security personnel shall be indemnified from any civil or criminal liability for the welfare of the offender, howsoever caused.
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Pushbutton
What does tony think he's doing. If he really wants to increase his popularity all he has to do is get the following legislation through parliament as quickly as possible.
The Make Tony Blair Popular Again Act 2004
Section 1.1
Prior to any new building or refurbishment project is granted planning permission, the plans must first be approved by Lady Sheila Butlin and must meet the following criteria
a) Ceilings must be constructed of cloth
b) Any theatre or similar entertainment premises being constructed must have 2 knights on horseback, one placed at either side of the stage front.
c) It shall be a condition of the license to operate any entertainment premises such as a theatre, cinema, pub, club or similar place that it shall be fitted with illuminated signage reading "baby crying in chalet" which must be clearly visable to all patrons and such signs must be regularly used in conjunction with patrols of the local neighbourhood by staff to check for any crying babies.
Section 1.2
By the end of 2005 all major cities must construct an extensive monorail system which shall operate as a public transport service and it shall be an offence for any council or other body to charge a fee for passengers on monorails.
Section 1.3
Every council shall install a public address system throughout their region which must be clearly audible to all residents of the city. At precisely 7.30am each morning a council employee shall make a public announcement using this system using the words "wakey wakey campers", followed by the wakey wakey song.
Section 1.4
It shall be the responsibility of all councils to provide sufficient means for their residents to properly dispose of waste. This shall be achieved by placing waste containers in the form of model pigs, with a suction device attached to each container, at strategic points in all public areas. These units are to be clearly marked with the words "Porky the paper eater".
Is there anyone out there with some basic legal knowledge who can help me continue to draft this vital peice of new legislation please? Any ammendments or additions will be carefully considered by parliament in due course, and then implemented anyway!
15-01-04, 12:38 AM
Tannoy
Breaking News.........
A recent report from Butlinland heaven indicated Porky the Paper Eater was about to launch a major election campaign in support of Pushbutton's bid to be the next Prime Minister. However when pressed to comment on this, Porky would only offer a grunt followed by oink oink, despite being fed all 327 sheets of the document he was working on entitled "Technical Advances in Paper Eating Suction Devices for Pig Shaped Paper Waste Disposal Units", and an empty Mars Bar wrapper.
'Pushbutton for the next PM'
15-01-04, 09:54 AM
Pushbutton
The Make Tony Blair Popular Again Act 2004 (continued)
Section 2.1
All public areas such as streets, parks, shopping centres, entertainment venues and other like places are to be patrolled at all times by council employees who are suitably trained in customer service skills, acting, dancing, singing or other form of performing art. All such employees must be licensed to carry out their duties and the licensing body is Butlins / Bourne Leisure Pty Ltd. These personnel are hereafter called "Redcoats", and shall wear a uniform approved by Butlins / Bourne Leisure at all times when on duty.
Section 2.2
It shall be an offence, upon being greeted by another with the term "Hi-de-hi", for any person not to immediately respond with the term "Ho-de-ho". Such an offence shall result in authorised Butlins security personnel taking the offender for a long ride in a blue transit van, during which time the said security personnel shall be indemnified from any civil or criminal liability for the welfare of the offender, howsoever caused.
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